Anything worthwhile…

It’s that exciting time of the year.  The time of graduations and promotions. The time of one year ending and  a new one beginning. It is a time of optimism and promise. Graduates are ready to take the world head on, while those advancing up a grade, plan for greatness in their “one year older” year. You can even be an old fart like me and find hope for the future in the energy of the time. It doesn’t matter which of the above categories you belong in, it is a time to dream.

But remember, nothing comes easy and nothing is given.  Dream it, plan it, then go out and do the work to make it happen. No matter where you are now, you can be better.

Anything worthwhile is worth working for.

Hard work is the magic.

It is the only way.

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Pocket Poetry Day

On one hand, it’s NFL DRAFT DAY!!!!!!! (Jumping up and performing cartwheels. Go Chiefs!)  But on the other hand, today is also Poem In Your Pocket Day.  I didn’t carry a poem in my pocket today; I let the world of poets down. To try to make up for my poetic indiscretion, I am re-blogging a post dedicated to my relationship to poetry.

I don’t think I need to show any love for the NFL or the Kansas City Chiefs since I wear that heart on my sleeve almost 24/7, so here is the post with some editorial updates in ( ):

The final chat presentation at last week’s Catholic Writers Conference Online was Catholic Poetry with David Craig.  Since it was the final chat, I listened in.  During the discussion, I had a poetry flashback.  Back in sophomore honors English, my teacher, Mrs. Goheen, gave us the assignment of memorizing and reciting a poem in front of the class.  I was/am not a huge fan of poetry (Note: It’s getting better) to begin with, so this was an assignment akin to flossing and brushing the dog’s teeth.  When I see poetry in books, the words get fuzzy and begin to dance around into a deadly vortex (Note: It’s getting better).  As the same time, I admit there are several poems and poets I really like (Note: Shel Silverstein, Jack Prelutsky, Frost) .  Well, anyway, completely true to form, I forget all about the memorization assignment until late evening the night before we are to be thrown to the wolves.  I search frantically through our home bookshelf listening to the “I told you so’s” from dear Mother and the laughing of the brothers.  All in the know go to bed that night thinking old MH is toast in the morning in English class.

I sit in class the next morning, waiting to be called to the gallows.  When my name is called, I feel the class and Mrs. Goheen in anticipation of great failure as I walk to the front of the class.  For those who don’t know me, I am a lineman, plain and simple.  I was probably the last over the cut line to get into honors English. I was a seat filler, a butt in the seat (Note: Always the dumbest in the smart group and being a decent to good athlete did not help me one bit with the “honors” class teachers).  So, there I stand in front of the class, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.  I crack my knuckles and clear my throat for a little slapstick comic relief, take my best Shakespearian stance and begin.

The Duck

Behold the duck.
It does not cluck.
A cluck it lacks.
It quacks.
It is specially fond
Of a puddle or pond.
When it dines or sups,
It bottoms ups.

The Duck by Odgen Nash

I can’t remember what grade I received on the project.  The audience seemed entertained and Mrs. Goheen seemed satisfied with the selection (Note: She still saw me as a dumb jock at this point, and I didn’t really do anything to convince her otherwise until my late year cutting-edge, incisive biography book report on Bob Dylan).  I am sure it was probably a B+.   Mrs. Goheen asked why I picked that particular poem.  I told her it was my favorite poem, but in all reality, it fit when written on the top of my tennis shoe, just in case I got stage fright.  But, The Duck became my favorite poem and still the only one I have burned to memory.  Thank you Ogden Nash.

Happy Poem In Your Pocket Day to one and all!

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Resiliency

Resiliency is  vital in tough situations. Resiliency with a little humor and smart-assedness is my favorite. I particularly like these photos from Fayetteville last week after the firing of the University of Arkansas head football coach Bobby Petrino for “misleading and manipulative behavior”. (For details of this story of the downfall of one of the absolute worst  character coaches in the profession, see here.)

You may not consider a college football coach scandal is a “tough” situation, but for some of us who are, or were, in the eat, sleep and live your favorite teams category, it is a tough situation. At a proud, tradition-rich football school like the University of Arkansas, there is A LOT of eating, sleeping and living Razorback football.  I do like the humor, the smart assedness, and the resiliency shown by these men. I laughed for an extended period when I first saw them. True, it is a sad, embarrassing situation for all involved, but here are a couple guys who have taken the first step to normalcy in their turned-over-on-its-head college sports fandom experience. I would bet these guys are ready to move onto the next coach, the next season; to put on their Hog hats on a fall Saturday afternoon and head to the stadium. That’s resiliency.

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At Grandpa’s Bird Feeder

This is one of the first stories for kids  I ever wrote. I found it recently cleaning through some old files. It’s probably from around 1991 or so, and believe it or not, it is one of those almost true stories. 

At Grandpa’s house, we used to throw stale crumbs to the birds in the front yard. The birds would eat the crumbs and fly away. But not anymore.

Since we bought Grandpa a bird feeder, the birds stay around all day. He tied the bird feeder to a branch of his oak tree and filled it with wild birdseed. When the birds land on the feeder, it rocks back and forth like a swing.

At Grandpa’s house, we used to watch television or play video games all day long. But not anymore.

Now we kneel on the sofa and watch the bird feeder from the picture window. There are robins and blackbirds and bluebirds and blue jays and cardinals and doves. Boy, there’s a lot of action at Grandpa’s bird feeder!

At Grandpa’s house,we used to run in and out of the house, make lots of noise, and bother Grandma as she tried to do her chores. But not anymore.

Now we follow Grandpa around and help him fill the bird feeder with wild birdseed. Sometimes, Grandpa gets mad at the blackbirds and yells,”Those darn blackbirds, they’re eatin’ me out of house and home!”
We all laugh when Grandpa yells at the blackbirds, even though Grandma says swearing at birds is not in the least bit funny.

At Grandpa’s house,we used to have wrestling matches and sometimes thing accidentally broke. Grandma would get VERY upset when her things broke! But not anymore.

Now we spend most of our time watching the bird feeder and playing games to see who can name the birds the fastest or count the most of each kind. It’s even better than wrestling, Grandma says.

At Grandpa’s house, we used to listen to Grandma’s stories about her bridge club, her bowling league, or how beautiful the neighbor’s third cousin’s sister’s wedding was. But not anymore.

Now she tells exciting stories about happenings at the bird feeder.”Kids, these two sparrows were on the bird feeder using their beaks to knock seeds to the ground and there were all these birds on the ground munching seeds! You could barely see any grass! Oh my! You should have been here to see it!”
(Since we bought the bird feeder, Grandma’s stories are much more interesting.)

At Grandpa’s house, we used to see very few animals when we visited because they live in the city. But not anymore.

Now we see hundreds of birds flying around the bird feeder, eating seeds, or sitting on branches.We also see squirrels and rabbits and cats and dogs, it’s almost as fun as the zoo!

At Grandpa’s house, we used to wonder where the birds would go when they left the yard. There weren’t any birdhouses or bird nests in Grandpa’s tree or in any other trees in the neighborhood. But not anymore.

Now we build our own birdhouses from a set of plans Grandpa found at the garden shop.We went to the lumberyard to buy the wood. Grandpa cut out the pieces for the birdhouses then we glued them together and painted them. Now, almost every tree in Grandpa’s neighborhood has a birdhouse.

At Grandpa’s house, we used to mope around with long faces because we’d be bored and couldn’t find anything to do. But not anymore.

Now there’s always something to do…At Grandpa’s bird feeder!

At Grandpa’s Birdfeeder by Mike Hays, April 2012

What do you think? Is there any potential for this old story? If you liked it, leave a comment. If you didn’t, also feel free to leave a comment. 

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Tribute to a Writer

Walt Staples was a a great writer. I never met him in person, but by the magic of the internet, I came to know him through the Catholic Writer’s Guild. Walt died suddenly a couple weeks while waiting at a bus stop. He would probably comment something to the effect that he unintentionally caught the right bus home.

Walt was a great writer. He was a master at what he did. He was funny, kind, humble, and was always willing to help out novice hacks like myself.  Karina Fabian knew Walt much better than I did and she offered a great tribute post to Walt at the Catholic Writer’s Guild blog.

Walt told me one time in a chat to check out a short story he published at Digital Dragon Magazine called, A Feather’s Fall in Vacuum. It was the only time he even remotely “pushed” a work of his and it was only a mild suggestion. I felt like Charlie Bucket opening that Wonka Bar with the final golden ticket inside. I went from wondering where in the heck Walt was going with this story to laughing my butt off for about three hours after finishing it. Beautiful story.

The only proper tribute I could ever give to Walt Staples is to share the link to that story and another  from Digital Dragon with as many people as I can. These two stories are my favorite works of Walt’s, and in my humble opinion, are masterpieces of short fiction.

A Feather’s Fall in Vacuum

Going Postal… But Slowly

We will miss his talent, we will miss his quirky sense of humor, but mostly we will miss the Walt at the Catholic Writer’s Guild. Please pray for his people and friends. Read the stories and check out more of his stories from the links on his blog, Variable Credence.  Laugh, learn and giggle out loud as you read them, Walt would appreciate that.


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THE YOUNGER DAYS Book Release Giveaway

I wrote a book. Seriously, I did. It is a book for the upper middle grade (10-14 year old) boy crowd, but I think anyone can enjoy it. I know it may be a bit surprising to some of you, but it’s true. A bit of a shock similar to the time I gave a pre-game speech using Luke 11:23 as the theme, only to have just one player respond with, “Coach, you read the Bible?”

Yes, it is true. I read the Bible AND I write. I had an idea, I scribbled it down, it rattled around in my head for several  years then I wrote all 25,500 words down in just the right order. A series of rejections, followed by a series of fortunate events, finally landed a contract with MuseItUp Publishing, who released it as an ebook on March 9, 2012.

Now that the ebook is out, I have to also become a salesman. It is the way of modern publishing; part writer, part editor, part marketer, part sales. I am not a salesman. Sure, I want as many people to read the book as humanly possible, but I am not a salesman. Never have been. I hated going house to house hawking fund-raisers as a kid.  As a 13-year old, I refused to sell candy bars for the school’s summer baseball program. Wouldn’t do it. My coach that year was also in charge of the fundraising for the baseball program. He told me I HAD to sell candy bars or sit the bench. I refused. I sat the bench. I was a pretty good player, but I wouldn’t budge on my position. I sat the bench. I am not a good salesman.

I stunk at trying to sell our summer conditioning program to the kids. I couldn’t bring myself to Tony Little-ize a sales pitch to the kids. Fortunately Coach Lane stepped in and was able to convince kids to come, he sold it much better than I ever could have.  My part became to sell the results through action and work.  Show up, work hard and you will notice a difference in your body in two weeks.  Once they gave the program a chance, they liked the results and came back day after day.

So, here’s the sales pitch. Try the book, give it a chance and you (or young people you know) may like the results. And priced at $3.50, it is actually cheaper than one of those World’s Finest chocolate bars or boxes of pastel-colored, candy-coated almonds.

You can find the ebook at these places:

MuseItUp Publishing Bookstore

Amazon Bookstore

And here’s a giveaway of an ebook copy of THE YOUNGER DAYS. Leave a comment here or at my author page, to respond to the question below. A winner from the respondents will be randomly selected on April Fool’s Day, 2012.

Question: What was the worst, most hated, most despised thing you ever had to sell as a kid?

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Me vs. The O.S.B: The Grammar Grade

Fifth Grade at the CTK Catholic School meant one thing, The Eleventh Commandment. You know it, “Thou shalt not abuse the basic rules of grammar”. By God’s Grace or hours upon hours upon hours of work , you would know the basics of a sentence, you would know nouns and verbs and adjectives and adverbs and prepositional phrases and blah, blah, blah blah blah blah.

And fifth grade at the CTK meant English with Sister Verene. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Sr. Verene. She was awesome. She was (and I know this is nearly impossible to believe) a nice human being who liked kids, but she was also perhaps the most insect-like human being I have known. She was a small, nervous creature. She had a skinny, pointed face. Her small hands were always in motion, grasshopper-like in concerted movements with her metallic voice.  Of course, this could maybe be the faded memory of a boy of the 1970′s, who maybe watched too many Saturday morning sci-fi monster movie marathons, but I digress. Sr. Verene plain, straight out LOVED grammar. It was her vocation. Most of the other nuns probably prayed rosaries and such, but I am pretty sure Sr. Verene broke down grammatical errors in the Roman Missal and diagrammed the Bible as her contemplation.

I know this is a major surprise to my wife (a.k.a The Grammar Police), my editors at MuseItUp Publishing, my former players and fellow coaches, but at one time (5th grade) this backward, redneck speaking (yeah, that’s speakin’) bubba boy  was a minor grammar god. I was mesmerized by the science of it all and drawn into the world of grammar by Sr. Verene. We diagrammed sentences like madmen. I would even volunteer to go to the board to diagram sentences. The best time was when Sr. Verene set up elimination-style speed diagramming tournaments. She was too cool.

Do people still diagram sentences in school? I don’t think they do it anymore. Too bad, it helped me. I should pull out the old grammar books and brush up on my sentence diagramming. It has to be like riding a bike, you never quite forget how to do it. Maybe it will make a comeback and become an Olympic sport someday, who knows?

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