As a kid, there was great anticipation for late spring and summer. Sure, there were all the usual reasons, no school, baseball, and no school. It also meant it was creeping closer to grape season. I know, I know, it’s not natural for a young boy to anticipate any sort of brightly colored food which may give off the slightest hint of “healthy”. But, this kid liked his grapes.
Of course, there were ulterior motives. Back in the day, grapes came packaged in perhaps the greatest boy-friendly packaging in the history of commerce. Grapes came in nets; small plastic nets that stretched to hold the grapes firmly without squashing them. To me, these miracles of modern packaging made a great disguise when pulled over one’s head.
The grape net. All the awesomeness of wearing panty hose over your head, without the stomach churning thought lolling around the back of the mind that you are wearing PANTY HOSE ON YOUR HEAD. With your identity safely hidden behind smashed features, you could be anyone you want. Villain, hero, crook, or vigilante, the choice is right there at your fingertips.
Me, I would transform into a superhero when I pulled the net over my big, round head. I could leap from sofa to chair, and back to sofa with the ease of a grasshopper. I could run at lightning speed, sniff out the older brother’s deviant activity, and chase the rabid, half beagle/half basset hound from high security areas under the shade of the honeysuckle bush.
And the best part? When all of Hays Manor was safe and secure, there were plenty of grapes in the fridge to re-hydrate and re-fuel upon. Win-win.
THE COACH HAYS 