“See, I’m an idea man, Chuck.” – Bill Blazejowski, NIGHT SHIFT (1982)
As Minister of Stupidity, it recently was brought to my attention there is no real summer holiday between the stellar events of July 20 (Apollo Moon Landing, 1969) and Labor Day.
Sure, if you are a heathen or a teacher, there’s always that first day of school thing, but, seriously, not exactly a holiday. There is also the first day of football practice. But again, although somewhat exciting to be back at football, two-a-day really are not anyone’s real idea of a holiday.
So where are we left now? The Holiday Desert.
I would like to propose a new holiday. A holiday which does not take itself too seriously and may or may not involve a day off (mostly depending of whether you are willing to spend your own leave time.)
The new holiday is Magic 8 Ball Day. I propose a date of August 8th to hold this new esteemed holiday. On Magic 8 Ball Day, one should only respond to questions with standard answers from the most famous toy-with-a-dark-purpose ever invented. The toy which can read the stars and give the most relevant answer to life’s biggest questions.
Q: “Magic 8 Ball, is today a good day to tell my boss to !@#$-off?”
A: “REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN”
Q: “Magic 8 Ball, should I buy my wife a nice gift because she’s so awesome?”
A: “OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD.”
Are you starting to see the beauty of Magic 8 Ball Day? It will be the perfect day to find answers to your burning questions.
To get the inaugural Magic 8 Ball Day off to a rousing start, here are the 20 possible Magic 8 Ball answers:
- It is certain
- It is decidedly so
- Without a doubt
- Yes definitely
- You may rely on it
- As I see it, yes
- Most likely
- Outlook good
- Yes
- Signs point to yes
- Reply hazy try again
- Ask again later
- Better not tell you now
- Cannot predict now
- Concentrate and ask again
- Don’t count on it
- My reply is no
- My sources say no
- Outlook not so good
- Very doubtful
Happy Magic 8 Ball Day!
You’re welcome, in advance.
THE COACH HAYS 