Tag Archives: Funny-stupid

Proposed Holiday: Magic 8 Ball Day

“See, I’m an idea man, Chuck.” – Bill Blazejowski, NIGHT SHIFT (1982)

As Minister of Stupidity, it recently was brought to my attention there is no real summer holiday between the stellar events of July 20 (Apollo Moon Landing, 1969) and Labor Day.

Sure, if you are a heathen or a teacher, there’s always that first day of school thing, but, seriously, not exactly a holiday. There is also the first day of football practice. But again, although somewhat exciting to be back at football, two-a-day really are not anyone’s real idea of a holiday.

So where are we left now? The Holiday Desert.

I would like to propose a new holiday. A holiday which does not take itself too seriously and may or may not involve a day off (mostly depending of whether you are willing to spend your own leave time.)

The new holiday is Magic 8 Ball Day. I propose a date of August 8th to hold this new esteemed holiday. On Magic 8 Ball Day, one should only respond to questions with standard answers from the most famous toy-with-a-dark-purpose ever invented. The toy which can read the stars and give the most relevant answer to life’s biggest questions.

Q: “Magic 8 Ball, is today a good day to tell my boss to !@#$-off?”

A: “REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN”

Q: “Magic 8 Ball, should I buy my wife a nice gift because she’s so awesome?”

A: “OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD.”

Are you starting to see the beauty of Magic 8 Ball Day? It will be the perfect day to find answers to your burning questions.

To get the inaugural Magic 8 Ball Day off to a rousing start, here are the 20 possible Magic 8 Ball answers:

  • It is certain
  • It is decidedly so
  • Without a doubt
  • Yes definitely
  • You may rely on it
  • As I see it, yes
  • Most likely
  • Outlook good
  • Yes
  • Signs point to yes
  • Reply hazy try again
  • Ask again later
  • Better not tell you now
  • Cannot predict now
  • Concentrate and ask again
  • Don’t count on it
  • My reply is no
  • My sources say no
  • Outlook not so good
  • Very doubtful

Happy Magic 8 Ball Day!

You’re welcome, in advance.

magic-8-ball_3

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My Blackberry is Not Working!

Rest Day Read (SR-66)

Not a read today, but a funny rest day video from The Mrs. Coach Hays.  A little humor is always good for the winter solstice.

 

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Cold Enough To Start Your Leg On Fire

Rest Day Read (SR-65)

Cold Enough To Start Your Leg On Fire

by Mike Hays

Back in my football coaching days, we had a group of kids who were, to put it mildly, a bit deviant.  One mid-season Monday when we show up for JV game/varsity practice, one of these young men has an injury and is not able to participate.  He has a fairly severe burn that ran just below his knee all the way down to the high ankle.  When asked how this happened, the young man said he was jumping over a camp fire the past weekend.  He guessed he just did not jump far enough.  It was a nasty burn.  He said he did not go to the hospital because his dad’s girlfriend was a nurse.  She wrapped it up and would take care of it.  Needless to say, he missed some action, but came back no worse for wear a couple weeks later.

Flash forward to the last week of the season.  We have practice and it is friggin cold, with a north wind blowing about 40+ MPH.  Probably the coldest practice we ever had.  Colder than the 2002 practice where we had the entire sidelines of 20 or so substitute players hunkered down in an incrementally lower squat position on the south side of a 6’2″ 275 lb. lineman. (Dang that was funny, wish I had a picture of that.).  Well, the kids are complaining about the cold.  Over and over and over complaining.  I just keep telling them it is not even cold yet.  Burnt-leg boy keeps saying he’s not cold at all. Then it starts drizzling!  Misery squared!

Burnt leg boy finally lets go, “!@#$, Coach!  How !@#$-ing cold is it out here?”

In one of my greatest stupid-funny lines ever, I answer,  “Son, I believe it’s cold enough to start your leg on fire.”

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