Tag Archives: Stupid fun

Proposed Holiday: Magic 8 Ball Day

“See, I’m an idea man, Chuck.” – Bill Blazejowski, NIGHT SHIFT (1982)

As Minister of Stupidity, it recently was brought to my attention there is no real summer holiday between the stellar events of July 20 (Apollo Moon Landing, 1969) and Labor Day.

Sure, if you are a heathen or a teacher, there’s always that first day of school thing, but, seriously, not exactly a holiday. There is also the first day of football practice. But again, although somewhat exciting to be back at football, two-a-day really are not anyone’s real idea of a holiday.

So where are we left now? The Holiday Desert.

I would like to propose a new holiday. A holiday which does not take itself too seriously and may or may not involve a day off (mostly depending of whether you are willing to spend your own leave time.)

The new holiday is Magic 8 Ball Day. I propose a date of August 8th to hold this new esteemed holiday. On Magic 8 Ball Day, one should only respond to questions with standard answers from the most famous toy-with-a-dark-purpose ever invented. The toy which can read the stars and give the most relevant answer to life’s biggest questions.

Q: “Magic 8 Ball, is today a good day to tell my boss to !@#$-off?”


Q: “Magic 8 Ball, should I buy my wife a nice gift because she’s so awesome?”


Are you starting to see the beauty of Magic 8 Ball Day? It will be the perfect day to find answers to your burning questions.

To get the inaugural Magic 8 Ball Day off to a rousing start, here are the 20 possible Magic 8 Ball answers:

  • It is certain
  • It is decidedly so
  • Without a doubt
  • Yes definitely
  • You may rely on it
  • As I see it, yes
  • Most likely
  • Outlook good
  • Yes
  • Signs point to yes
  • Reply hazy try again
  • Ask again later
  • Better not tell you now
  • Cannot predict now
  • Concentrate and ask again
  • Don’t count on it
  • My reply is no
  • My sources say no
  • Outlook not so good
  • Very doubtful

Happy Magic 8 Ball Day!

You’re welcome, in advance.


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My Blackberry is Not Working!

Rest Day Read (SR-66)

Not a read today, but a funny rest day video from The Mrs. Coach Hays.  A little humor is always good for the winter solstice.


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The Monty Python School of Soccer

Rest Day Read (SR-30)
For the 30th installment of this series, we are taking a break from reading and turning our focus to some relaxing sports entertainment. And with World Cup Soccer from South Africa just around the corner, we will pay homage to the world’s most popular sport.
And now for something completely different…

Who in their right mind thinks of this stuff? Man, the Monty Python crew was funny. And no, they weren’t at all in the right mind. Still aren’t. For some reason, I remembered this skit as having a real soccer team playing against the Long John Silvers and they were also celebrating. That may have been even funnier.
When I was young, back in the 70’s, the only place you could see Monty Python’s Flying Circus was on PBS and only late, late, late Saturday nights. It was so cool, such subversive humor for the times. Watching Monty Python’s Flying Circus was like stepping into an alternate reality where us with a whacky view of the world felt right at home. It was like being 14 and sneaking into a R-rated movie.
Of course, the wide open, raw uncensored products of the BBC that we saw, mainly Flying Circus and The Benny Hill Show, were NOTHING like anything on American TV at the time. Brash, raunchy, politically incorrect and made satire of just about anything and everything. Yet, it seems tame compared to some of the crapola put on the airwaves today.
Creativity and imagination are golden. Shock and trash are just venom.

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The Pollen Post No. 6: Pollen Victorious

I Surrender!

Pollen, I concede to your millions of years of evolutionary supremacy.  In Paul’s words, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.”  But now I bow in surrender to you.   I wave the white flag.  It is over, the AC is turned on.  You win.

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The Pollen Post No. 5: Pollen Theatre

Pleospora and Laccaria

Two star crossed young pollens fall in love amidst the violence and feuding of the olive grove outside of Verona.  In a cruel turn, the young pollens come  from deadly, bitter rival pollen families, Pleospora from the Ascospores and Laccaria from the Basidiospores.  In the end, tragedy triumphs.

The Sound of Pollinating

A sweet, innocent pollen accepts a position as governess for widow and his 14 offspring and instantly becomes a hit with the young pollens for her stupid songs and goofy dance numbers.  As fate would have it, she falls in love with the widow, a Captain in the military.  She marries the Captain, much to the delight of the 14 youngsters, then helps the family escape from the evil,  invading dictator, Nasonex.

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The Pollen Post No. 4: Pollen Facts


The Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition | 2008 | The Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition. Copyright 2008 Columbia University Press. (Hide copyright information) Copyright

Pollen are minute grains, usually yellow in color but occasionally white, brown, red, or purple, borne in the anther sac at the tip of the slender filament of the stamen of a flowering plant or in the male cone of a conifer. The pollen grain is actually the male gametophyte generation of seed plants (see reproduction ). Inside the anther, pollen mother cells divide by meiosis to form pollen grains whose nuclei contain half the number of chromosomes characteristic of the parent plant. Each pollen grain contains two sperm nuclei and one tube nucleus. After successful pollination , the pollen germinates on the surface of the stigma of the pistil and produces a tube that grows down through the style to an ovule inside the ovary at the base of the pistil. The sperm nuclei are then discharged into the ovule; one fuses with the egg nucleus (see fertilization ) and the other fuses with the polar nuclei to form endosperm (food-storage tissue) that in many cases nourishes the developing embryo in the seed. This process is basically similar in the conifers, except that in conifers there is no double fertilization and there may be a season’s lapse between pollination and fertilization (see cone ). Pollen grains, like sperms, are always produced in much greater quantities than are actually used, particularly by those plants that rely on the wind for pollination (e.g., grasses and conifers). Often clouds of dustlike pollen can be seen floating from wind-pollinated trees. Plants pollinated by insects and birds usually have sticky pollen and conspicuous flowers with colorful petals that often secrete perfume or nectar or both to attract the agents. Although pollen grains are microscopic in size and are thus visible to the human eye only in quantity, they are so diversified in appearance that plants are often identifiable by their pollen alone, e.g., by pathology. The waxy outer covering (which contains proteins and sugar—an additional attraction to pollen-gathering insects) is marked by characteristic patterns of ridges, spines, and knobs and is capable of expanding and contracting in the presence of moisture or dryness. Pollen grains are also remarkable for the length of the tubes some must produce: corn pollen tubes may grow 8 or 10 in. (20.3-25.4 cm) from the stigmas through the filamentous styles (commonly called “silk” ) to the ovaries. The life span of pollen may be less than two hours; its ability to produce the allergic reaction of hay fever continues indefinitely.

“pollen.” The Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition. 2008. Encyclopedia.com. (April 22, 2010). http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1E1-pollen.html

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The Pollen Post No. 3: Pollen TV

The Pollen Post No. 3: Pollen TV

Pollenfeld (Sitcom)

The urban adventures of three young pollens, Grass, Flower and Tree and their wacky neighbor, Mold Spore, are played out in a hilarious show about nothing.  Well, not REALLY about nothing, but about the interactions between the microscopic reproductive particles of plants.

Pollen, Texas Ranger (Crime Drama)

Ranger Pollen fights drug cartels, gangs, thieves, kidnappers and terrorists to establish justice  in beautiful Texas Hill Country under the sage advice and occasional assistance of his mentor/martial arts sensei, Chuck Norris.

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The Pollen Post, No. 2: Ode to Pollen

The Pollen Post 2: Ode to Pollen

How do I love thee, pollen?

Let me count the ways.

Zero.  Naught.  None.  Nunca.   -278°C(0°K).  X/0.

There are no ways I love thee, pollen.


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The Pollen Posts No.1

Pollen Post 1: Introduction

Today, April 15, 2010, The Coach Hays page is starting a series of outrageously ridiculous posts on pollen.  I can’t remember a spring allergy season (tree pollen, grass pollen, flower pollen, mold spores, pet dander, etc. etc. etc…) that has been as bad as this very 2010 spring.  This morning, for about the 12th straight day, I woke up with the pounding sinus headache, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, gravely voice, you know, the whole nine yards of allergies.  Just for the heck of it, I thought it would be appropriate to have a little stupid fun at pollen’s expense.  Well, how about a lot of stupid fun at pollen’s expense?  It has definitely earned it!

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