Ah Kansas, I’m kneeling. Ah Kansas, please.

Rest Day Read (SR-41)
Salina by The Avett Brothers
Salina, I am as nowhere as I can be.
Could you add some somewhere to me?
Ah Kansas, I’m kneeling. Ah Kansas, please”

I do love this opening line to Salina by The Avett Brothers. Not the most flattering of lines for my home state, but there are days in this state where I kneel with them and beg for mercy. I am a “born and raised in Kansas” Kansan. I love this state, but things can get brutal here, especially on the meteorological front. I can relate to the sentiment of the Avetts. Yesterday, for example we are moving about 25 government, industrial strength picnic tables from Milford Lake State Park in Wakefield, Kansas to the site of an outdoor wedding of one of my favorite former football players, which is to be held this week in Clay Center, Kansas. It was 103 degrees F with a 110 degree heat index. Ah, Kansas, I’m kneeling. Ah, Kansas, please!

My highlight of the day is represented in the conversation below. At one point we had to fix a flat on a borrowed pick-up pulling a borrowed trailer on which we almost lost a wheel when the lug nuts came loose. We had finished the trailer wheels and several ex-high school former football players were waiting for the tire to be put back on the truck. We were sweating and sharing ice water out of a plastic squeeze gatorade bottle someone, who will remain nameless, apparently stolen from their former high school athletics department. Here is a conglomeration of the discussion that occurred, with Editorial G-Rated Word Substitutes [EGRWS] added where appropriate.
“Dude, this sucks!”
“Why does it have to be so durn blasted [EGRWS] hot?”
“It’s August, in Kansas, you idiot.”
“No, I mean it is always either too hot or too cold in this flipping [EGRWS]place!”
“That ain’t no bull-oney[EGRWS]!”
“Dude, this sucks!”
“I just don’t fudge-cicle eating [EGRWS] understand it. Why is it so hot here in the summer but so freaking [EGRWA] cold in the winter?”
“You got that right, winter and summer are real son’s of britches [EGRWS]”
“Look on the bright side, boys. We get about two days of the most perfect weather on the planet in the spring and maybe four or so perfect days in the fall. Maybe these are just the price we have to pay…”
“Hays, kiss my astronomy [EGRWS]”
“Just an idea.”
“Hey, why don’t you guys get off your Assisi’s [EGRWS] and get back to work! Tire’s fixed.”
“Uggghhhhh!”

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