Rest Day Read (SR-58)
The Dingo Ate The Bingo by Mike Hays
I was going to link to an intellectually uplifting article for today’s RDR, but I have got to relate to you a story about fatherhood. But to warn you, it runs a bit to the smartass/amusing side. In fact it made the Mom expel her lime green jello from mouth to plate during the dinner where the tale was first told. For the record, that hasn’t occurred in a LONG time. (Don’t say anything to the Mom about the lime green jello incident, though. Some things are better kept between us.)
Son, age 16, and father, age 46, went to Salina for a doctor’s appointment. While on the hour-long drive, son periodically shouts “Bingo” and tallies a count.
Finally, as they hit the I-70 Abilene to Salina stretch, the dad says.”Bingo? What the heck is that?”
“You say ‘Bingo’ when you see a yellow vehicle.”
Okay, easy enough. So we travel a few miles ahead, the ultra-observant dad sees a school bus. “Bingo!”
“That doesn’t count.” says passive-competitive son. “Buses don’t count.”
Next, the dad sees a Catepillar bulldozer in a construction zone. As “B…” begins to slip out of dad’s mouth.
Teenage son says, “Neither do construction vehicles.”
“Are you making the rules up as we go?” dad asks.
In that wonderful teenage tone comes the answer, “No.”
So teenage son runs the score up through the city of Salina on the way to the doctor’s office. Apparently, not only are yellow buses and construction vehicles not legal fare in this game of Bingo, but about every yellow vehicle the dad points out lies outside the rules. “Too orange-ish”, “no delivery vans”, “no 1972 Coup de villes”, etc., etc. etc…
After the appointment, a trip to exchange some clothes at the mall, which feels like sticking pins into the eyes, stop by the McD’s for a quick lunch and hit the road back toward home.
Son continues Bingo game, every yellow vehicle he points out is acceptable within the rules of the Bingo Society of North America and every yellow-ish vehicle the dad points out gets negated. Back on I-70, the dad has just about had enough of the game of Bingo.
Ahead, as if sent by God himself, the dad sees a tandem Fed-Ex tractor-trailer in the westbound lane. “DINGO!” the dad shouts.
Teenage son, ‘What are you talking about? Dingo?”
“Yeah, I am now playing Dingo. Delivery truck Bingo…Dingo. Get it?” The dad, using superior evasive strategy, completely dumbfounds teenage son.
“Dingo!” he shouts out at a passing Old Dominion trailer.
“Doesn’t count.”
“What???”
“It’s Monday, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. So…” he mind is racing trying to figure what is coming next.
The dad chuckles, “Son, Monday is Fed-Ex Dingo Day. I am up by one.”
On the east side of Salina, another tandem Fed-Ex trailer. “DINGO! Up 2-Zip”
About a mile or so down the highway we see a mid-size Fed-Ex delivery van. The son points and just about jumps out of his seat.
“DINGO!” He shouts.
“Sorry.” says the dad. “That’s a van, not a delivery TRUCK.” The laughter from one half of the car is uncontrollable as the car veers slightly in the lane.
(Note: This is where the start of the green jello incident commences on the retelling of the story later that evening.)
“That is NOT funny!” Teenage son is not happy as the tables turn in old papa’s direction.
You know sometimes you just can’t script real life any more funnier than it turns out. There is truly a God and He has a great sense of humor. For just at that moment, as the teenage son turns around and is complaining and pointing at the Fed Ex delivery van that did not count as a legal hit in the game of Dingo, four or five Fed-Ex tandem delivery tractor-trailers, a virtual convoy, rise up over the ridge in the opposite lane. As son is still lamenting about his lack of a score, the dad, who is laughing so hard he doesn’t really remember if it was actually four or five trucks in the convoy, says, “Dingo, Dingo, Dingo, Dingo and Dingo!”
(Herein lies the actual point that the Mom expelled the lime green jello from her mouth. 3 family members at the dinner table are laughing so hard they can hardly breath, while one stays absolutely silent.)
Teenage son sits in stunned silence. About 30 minutes down the road, he’s still silent. The dad sees a yellow trash truck down the road where they are at a stop sign. Just to rub it in, he calmly says, “Bingo.”
Teenage son’s head snaps up, returns to straight ahead stare position then deadpans, “Nope, that’s gold.”
THE COACH HAYS 