Big Bad Bud looks at me sideways (with his good eye, that is). I explain the danger we are in from the imminent attack of the planet by Alien Attack Dog (AAD) and the army of laser-beam-eye canines from outer space. I tell him of my plan to have him use his cat kill skills to take out the AAD. Again he looks at me (with his good eye, that is), jumps down off my lap and bounds into the garage. He returns to the back porch in several minutes carrying a note (don’t ask, it’s Bud). I unfold the note and read.
I will agree to help rid the humans of that dirty, uncouth, smelly dog, if and only if, the following conditions are met.
1. Cut out the Best Choice Cat Food and mix in some Little Friskies or some Meow Mix already.
2. A bird feeder in the yard, stocked daily with the finest wild bird seed and placed at a height of no more than 2.5 feet off the ground.
3. Squirrel feeders on every tree in the neighborhood.
Whoa, Bud! #1 is do-able. #2 a maybe, but 2.5 feet off the ground? Come on, Bud…at least give yourself a challenge. #3, what the heck, Bud?
As intimidating as the AAD is, I have to think on these. I can’t imagine the backlash from the animal kingdom if I agree to these terms. Oh, boy…