Category Archives: Writes

Parenting Legacy

One day when I am gone and people are considering my life or pondering as they read my headstone what type of person I was, I hope they ask one question:

What kind of parent was this person? 

Maybe then, through some advance in graphical interface headstones technologies, I am able to program a visual answer to this question, a question which speaks volumes of the joy a person experiences in their lifetime.   Below is the picture I  choose.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but this one is worth an infinite number of words to me. And yes, that is how we rolled.

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The Hardcore Viking

Vikings Filed Their Teeth to Remind You They Are Totally Hardcore

-from Geekosystem.com (a 5 of 5 star of the awesome scale for kick butt science news)

I could not resist posting about this.  Go read the article at the link above.  Do you blame me? Vikings are badass. Serious. They didn’t fool around.  When you start filing horizontal ridges in your own teeth to intimidate, shouldn’t that be enough to warn the bystander to clear the hell out of the way?  NOW!

I think it is time to start studying the Vikings again.  I used to read up and study the barbarians back in my football coaching days. Laugh if you must, but I learned much from studying groups like the Huns, Vandals, Goths and my favorite since my youth, the Vikings.

The education from studying the barbarians actually made me a better defensive football coach.  Confuse, attack and destroy. Intimidate with hustle and intensity.  Hit the opponent like a cannon shot over and over again until his will is broken. Play with such desire it seems we have 13 on the field instead of 11.

I am tearing up just thinking about it. Now, where’s that dang rasp at?

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Five Things I’ve Learned: Parenting

These are five things I have learned (and am still learning) since becoming a father, with some things learned from the wise mother.

1. Watching your own kids is NOT babysitting, it’s called PARENTING.

2. The dining room table is one of the most effective family-building tools.

3. The kitchen, household and laundry appliances are unisex in design and engineering. Go figure.

4. Not much beats a good family game or movie night, especially when the Dad wins the game or John Wayne and/or Star Wars and/or Indiana Jones is the movie.

5. If you give them a good base and allow them to be them, your kids will become better human beings than you. (Just as you wished for the day they were born.)

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#MostUnlikelySportsHighlightEver

Seven years ago, on July 7, 2004, THE SHOT HEARD AROUND CLAY CENTER occurred.  A home run was hit in a summer American Legion baseball game at Kelly Campbell Field.  I can’t remember who we played that night. In fact, I can’t remember any details from that doubleheader. I can usually remember those details a coach is programmed to remember, but I can’t on this one, too traumatic I guess.  Honestly, I searched for the original scorebook in my collection of artifacts to help trigger memories, but it was nowhere to be found.  These seven years have passed with an epiphany of my acceptance of the reality IT actually did happen and IT was not a dream or heat-induced hallucination.

Kiel Unruh hit a home run.

There it is, the most unlikely sports highlight ever. I admit it is still shocking, even more shocking than SpellDog’s walk-off blast in another game that season.  Both those home runs were the only home runs either of those men hit in their entire baseball careers.  SpellDog’s was impressive (and a walk-off), but since he had actually hit several pop flys to the outfield in his illustrious career, a coach knew it would only be a matter of time before he hit one.  But Kiel, not even close.  I guess I need to give a little physical background on Kiel.  He is skin and bones.  There is nothing to this kid.  We had to keep the hanger in his jersey just to keep it from falling off over his shoulders. That’s skinny!  He was a wizard with the glove in the outfield, though.  He and his outfield mates cut the open outfield space down to a bare minimum, he just couldn’t hit a baseball to save his life.  He was our permanent nine-hole hitter, he was our walking sacrifice bunt and he was only a position player if we could use a DH.

Kiel has gone on to great accomplishments as an adult. He is assistant women’s basketball coach at Stephen F. Austin University, fresh off being a staff member of the 2010 National Women’s Basketball Champion Emporia State Lady Hornets.  He has enjoyed many successes in life and in sports,  but…

One night in early July seven years ago, Kiel connected.  The ball jumped off his bat and sailed over the Campbell Field Green Monster and into the kiddie playground.  Someday we will build a monument in the playground to this event.  Someday we will gather as old men on the field and sing songs of glory.  Of all his life accomplishments, I sure hope THE SHOT HEARD AROUND CLAY CENTER will always rank right up near the top.

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Fail Cycle #2

In case you haven’t picked up on this yet, I believe in the Fail Cycle. The older I get, when I want to relax and put life into cruise control, I know I need to force myself to keep working to improve through challenge and failure.

What is the fail cycle? In short, you have to push yourself to get better. If you are pushing your limits far enough, you will fail.  But, when you stay after it with perseverance and hard work, improvement is inevitable.  If you are not working to move forward, you are moving backward.  And yes, neutral is backward.

Coaching and training are filled with the experiences of the fail cycle, so is being a writer.  But the experiences are much different.  Coaching is a group exercise, we push a collective of people, personalities and philosophies toward a common goal of success.  The failures and the improvement are shared within the group. Training can be a group exercise and it can be very personal.  The individual or team is pushed to failure, but the failure is mostly internal to the individual or group.  Writing is a whole new animal. It is personal and it is individual.  Failure from the necessary exposure to outside editing and critique bites sharp at the marrow of the writer. It is a frightening experience.

Recently, I read a open blog invitation from an agent, Mary Kole, on her excellent writing blog site (www.kidlit.com). She read a book called HOOKED by Les Edgerton on book beginnings and offered the opportunity for her readers to submit the first 500 words of one of their manuscripts for her professional critique. She would select five and do critical workshops on them on the blog. I knew from her blog posts and information she provides on her site that she is a no B.S. professional. She knows her stuff and stands true for what she knows is the right way to write.

Basically, I knew sending in a beginning to one of my stories was putting myself out to the battlefield without armor or weapon.  I knew Mary Kole would pull no punches on the five beginnings she selected for the workshop.  With this looming in back, front and both sides of my mind, I took the chance anyway and sent in the first 500 words to a story I am working on.  The story, an upper middle grade fiction story called WONDERLAND GARDENS, is about a 14 year-old boy who must use the resources of the elderly citizens of the Wonderland Gardens Retirement Village to save his classmate nemesis, a girl,  from the evil clutches of a possessed dance instructor.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) out of the 100+ submission and dodging the bullet through four of the five workshops, guess who gets a cheery email on Friday July 1 from Mary Kole informing me I was Number 5?  Great, I submitted such a great examples of how NOT to start a story that I get to be the finale to the workshops!  Then, when one reads in her introduction, “This workshop will be a little more nitpicky”, one wants to crawl away and hide.  But, as I read Mary’s criticisms, I knew straight away she was spot on with her comments.  Everything she pointed out, when fixed, will make for a exponentially better beginning to the story. If you wish to witness the train wreck and Mary Kole’s exceptional and helpful critique, here is the link to the Beginning Workshop #5

Failure…is…necessary.  If I want to get better at anything I do, parent, husband, writer, scientist, coach and trainer, it takes hard work.  It takes pushing the envelope, failing, then working to get better.  I’m rewriting the beginning to WONDERLAND GARDENS following Mary Kole’s suggestions.  The first draft I did last night was miraculously so much better than the original version I previously submitted.  I might have to do a future post comparing the two versions when I complete the newest version.

A special thanks to Mary Kole, associate agent at the Andrea Brown Literary Agency, for sharing her time and resources to help fledgling authors like myself.  This trip into the literary fail cycle has been quite an experience.  Hopefully, my story and my skill development will also reap great benefits because of it.

Finally, here is an applicable quote from Neil Gaiman’s 10 Tips to Writing.

“Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.
Fix it. Remember that, sooner or later, before it ever reaches perfection, you will have to let it go and move on and start to write the next thing. Perfection is like chasing the horizon. Keep moving.”

Have a great Fourth of July holiday!

Addendum: I forgot to put this in the original post.  When the failure robs the fun and enjoyment out of whatever you choose to do, it is time to back off a bit, take a short or a long break to recharge the motor, then take a running start at the next attempt.  The fail cycle should be an exercise of improvement, not an exercise in complete misery.

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Coaching & Writing Blog Workshop

Check out my June Blog Conference Workshop at the MuseItUp Publishing Blog site.

The Four P’s Approach to Writing: How My Sports Coaching Career Gave My Writing Career a Boost.

The Four P’s Approach to Writing: Introduction

The Four P’s Approach to Writing: Purpose

The Four P’s Approach to Writing: Pride

The Four P’s Approach to Writing: Passion

The Four P’s Approach to Writing: Persistence

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Unexpected

You know certain things when you go into coaching.  You know you will teach the sport, you know you will lead young men and women into competition and you know there will be the inevitable bumps in the road along the way.  But there is one thing I never even considered would be one of the best benefits of coaching; the relationships.  Especially in a small town like mine.  I have had the joy of meeting, coaching and becoming friends with well over 500 young men and their families over the years.  Sometimes I forget this, sometime I don’t appreciate that unexpected gift a coach is given by being allowed to do the things a coach does.  Two wedding receptions this summer and seeing many many ex-players in attendance reminded me just how lucky we are/were to be a part of something so special.

It wasn’t always so special, though.  I yelled at most of them on many occasions.  I lost my temper with most of them at one time or the other. I lost sleep worrying about life decisions they made or were making. I drove them like dogs knowing they needed to get better. There were times they hated me. I know it. I could see it on their faces when I challenged them to improve.  But, I also saw their joy when the light went on and they eventually noticed their improvement.

So, thanks boys!  Thanks for all the practices, the proms, the road trips, the games, the dinners, the band and vocal concerts.  Thanks for the graduation parties, the family functions, for TP-ing the house, for knocking on my front door wearing rubber masks and helping the Hays family move once upon a time ago.  Above all, I especially thank you  for all those intense summer mornings when, no matter how much you despised it, no matter how hot and miserable it was, you did all the crazy crap your idiot assistant coach asked you to do.

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The Conquest of Food

It is Memorial Day Eve, around 10 PM.  I cut up a watermelon earlier and just had a bowl.  It was good.  So good, in fact, that I was hell bent on eating the whole melon tonight.  But, the dogs saved me by needing to go out.  While I was outside I reminded myself, “Man, you are almost 47!  You can’t eat a whole watermelon at 10 PM, you idiot!”  Of course, I didn’t eat the rest of the watermelon.  But, let me tell you, there was a time…

I know this will surprise no one who has ever seen me, but I used to be able to throw down some food.  Biblical proportions.  Some of my buddies and me were know to make buffet line proprietors cringe at the sight of us.  If there was an All-You-Can-Eat, we Ate-All-We-Could and then some.  I know some can relate to the late night mega-bag of Tostitos Nachos Cheese Rounds and a 2 liter of pop or a frozen pizza sandwich (two frozen pizzas cooked and stacked) on the way home from the bars.  But tonight,  three eating feats from my youth seeped from the memory banks after I made the decision NOT to eat an entire watermelon.

1. Watermelon Eating Champion

I was lucky enough to have three great men as grandpa figures in my life, Thomas Hays, Clarence Bosley and Boz’s best friend,  “Uncle” Charlie Lewis.  At family gatherings around dusk, Grandpa Bosley and Uncle Charlie would break out the monster watermelon for us tribe of kids for a watermelon eating contest.  Of course, we kids would gather around the two, while they held butcher knives in one hand and a beer in the other as they told story upon story.  Finally, they would cut the watermelon in slices, then cut each slice in half.  The kids would all line up for a piece, then the eating would begin.  I loved those two old guys to no end and would have run through a brick wall to please them.  Eating watermelon as fast and as furious as I could was easy.   More often than not, I won these contests on both speed and sheer amount of watermelon put away.  My trick was to eat the whole thing, seeds and all, right down to the rind.  No time wasted spitting out seeds. Clean as a whistle.  It was the perfect plan.  I can still see the smiles on Grandpa and Charlie’s faces watching us kids eating watermelon like fiends.

2.  Lettuce Pray

We used to all pitch in after dinner and do the dishes.  Put stuff away, scrape, rinse and load the dishwasher.  Normal stuff.  One night, when I was in high school, I had a clean-up challenge from my older sister.  We had lettuce salad for dinner A LOT back then.  This wasn’t modern day mixed greens in a bag salad, either.  This was old school chopped head of lettuce, roughage lettuce, not health food type of lettuce.  Lettuce, of which there was only one kind sold in the early 1980’s  at the grocery store lettuce.  As I said, we had it A LOT, so there was not very much eaten at this particular meal.  Sister and I are doing the dishes.  She picks up the almost completely full lettuce bowl and  starts to put it away.  She gets that evil older sister look on her face, then challenges me to eat the whole bowl at once.  Meaning, I have to stick the whole bowl of chopped lettuce in my mouth.  Long story short, despite breaking several laws of physics, the feat was accomplished with just a slight ass chewing from parents.  Well worth it.

3. 23 Tacos

That number pretty much says it right there, 23.  My oldest brother likes to add a few details when he recounts the events, these were old fashioned fry your own tortilla shells in hot oil tacos and Mom had to stand there and cook tacos shell after taco shell.  I might also add for the peanut gallery I was not the only one at the dinner table, but Dad and four siblings also ate that fateful Saturday night, so Mom did a heck of a lot of cooking that night above and beyond the 23 I ate.  Looking back, I don’t remember even feeling bad.  In fact, I probably went out that night with my buddies not long after cleaning up dinner.

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Hell Week: Friday, Part 2

Friday.  The goal of Hell Week Friday was to remind the athletes they are part of something bigger than themselves, part of something a century old and something important to our community.  Part I of this Hell Week Friday post covered the fan and community part of the Tiger Tradition and how we fit into the fabric of life in Clay County .  This Part 2 post covers the historical part of the Tiger Tradition and its 100+ seasons of high school football.

I didn’t know a whole lot about the history of Tiger Football when I started coaching.  I had been a CCCHS fan and supporter since the Mrs. Hays started teaching in Clay Center in 1992.  I had the pleasure of being roommates with Clay Center native, Monte Cales and being  friends with his brother, Moby, while in college.  They would tell stories about playing football back home, where the stands would be packed every game and the community loved their team, win or lose.  I really could not relate.  Until college, I didn’t know Clay Center from Yates Center from Smith Center.  I was a Kansas City kid and Clay Center might as well have been a third world country for all I knew.  Community spirit, what the heck was that?  We were lucky to have parents, family and the band at our home games and we were pretty good. The stories from the Cales brothers struck something in me which, years later when we moved here, I found absolutely true.  It is a great town which supports it kids like no other.

A highlight of my time in the Tiger program was the day Coach Lane trusted me with a copy of the Blackie Book, Coach Blackie Lane’s detailed history of Tiger Football.  I devoured this book.  The history, even in a simple schedule with results from the early 1900’s, was absolutely riveting.  It was so cool to see yearbook team pictures through the years filled with grandfathers and fathers, undefeated teams and winless teams.  They are all there, mostly in black and white.  After reading the Blackie Book, I shifted gears in my own coaching commitment.  I knew there was something bigger we were all a part of.  I knew it was an honor to be part of the tradition.  I knew I needed to up my game to properly pay homage to the past as we moved to the future.  One thing we implemented to pay homage to those who came before us was the “Touch the Sign” tribute.  All players and coaches touch the Otto Unruh Stadium sign before taking the field on game night.  Below are some of my favorite highlights from the Blackie Book I used for the Hell Week Friday historical portion of the workout.  Enjoy and love some Tiger Football.

Feel free to enter your own piece of Tiger Football history in a comment section below.

Friday

Winning is not a sometime thing, it’s an all the time thing.  You don’t win once in a while; you don’t do the right thing once in a while; you do things right all the time.  Winning is a habit.”         -Vince Lombardi

6:30 -6:40  Stretch Runs
6:40-7:30  Tiger Tradition

Tradition – Otto Unruh Stadium Sign
A.  100 years of Clay Center football
1.  836 games, 453-337-46 record, a .542 winning %
2. 63% of all teams had a winning record
3.  10 undefeated seasons

B.  Highlights and Dynasties
1. V.R. Vegades Era 1920-1926; 42-10-2, a .778 winning %, 1920 – 7-1 record

  • 1921 – 8-1 undefeated regular season. Lost to Topeka in playoffs.
  • 1922 – 7-1 Did not get scored on all season until last game, a 7-6 loss to Manhattan.  Beat Concordia 101-0.
  • 1923 – 6-1, No TD’s given up the entire season. Lost final game to Manhattan 6-3 but only gave up 2 FG’s.
  • 1924 – 6-1, only gave up 3 TD’s all season.

2.  C.A. Nelson Era 1930-1941; 69-27-13, a .670 winning %

  • 3 undefeated seasons.

3.  Otto Unruh Era, 1945-1966; 126-65-8, a .633 winning %

Won 3 Class A State Championships; Domination and consistent competitiveness in the CKL; Nationally published book “How to Coach Winning Football”.

  • 3 undefeated 9-0 seasons.
  •  1956 and 1957 teams went 18-0 and won 2 state titles.
  • 1963 team went 8-1 and won state championship.  Only loss of year was to Manhattan, 7-6, on a missed PAT.

4.  Larry Wiemers Era, 1977-1994; 114-71, a .616 winning%

  •  Solid, consistent football over twenty years.

1. 1978, 1979, 1980 teams went 26-5.
-2 District championships and 3 NCKL titles
-1980 team went 10-1, losing only to Andover in the regional final.
2.  1983, 1984, 1985 teams went 25-8
-Substate, district and bi-district titles.
3. 1993 team went 10-1
-NCKL champs, district, bi-district, regional runner-up
-Andover regional heartbreaker at Unruh Stadium.

100 yard flip hip sprint to north end.
100 yard bear crawl back and touch the sign

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Hell Week: Friday, Part I

Friday.  Finally the end of the week.  The attitudes and the energy are riding high.  Kids are working through the soreness and starting to feel like human beings again.  Friday.  This was a special day for me.  Tiger Tradition Day.  Until the admins told us we couldn’t use our stadium due to grounds-keeping concerns, we did the Hell Week Friday at Otto Unruh Stadium.  I think we lost something magical when we quit running this first Friday workout at the stadium.  If I had to do it all over again, I would have never asked the admins for permission to use stadium facility.  Shoot first and ask questions later.

The goal of Hell Week Friday was to remind the athletes they are part of something bigger than themselves, part of something a century old and something important to our community.  Part I of this Hell Week Friday post will cover the fan and community part of the Tiger Tradition and how we fit into the fabric of life in Clay County .  Part II will cover the historical part of the Tiger Tradition and its 100+ seasons of high school football.

Friday

Winning is not a sometime thing, it’s an all the time thing.  You don’t win once in a while; you don’t do the right thing once in a while; you do things right all the time.  Winning is a habit.”         -Vince Lombardi

6:30 -6:40  Stretch Runs
6:40-7:30  Tiger Tradition

I.  FANS – Otto Unruh Stadium seats

A.  Expectations and community pride

1.  Fans, parents, relatives want to see you do well, everyone wants us to be successful.

2.  Strong community sense of pride in this school’s athletic programs.

10 Stair Sprints – sprint up, walk down.

B.  Entertainment and Social Importance

1.  Friday night in America – CC true to this mantra.

2.  WE are the most important thing on Friday nights in this town.

Families, friends all gather to celebrate Tiger football…Let’s give them the best damn show EVERY Friday night.  Let’s let our families and friends to have something to BRAG about and be PROUD of.

5 minutes of stadium stairs

II.  Hold the Rope

A.  This is OUR HOUSE, this is OUR TURF!  We will crank it up an extra notch at home.

B.  Where do you want to fit into the Tiger Tradition?  Who in this group is going to Hold the Rope?
Coach Lane reads Hold the Rope while 10 min. Chain Wall Sit across stadium wall.

III.  Breakdown – 50 yard line
Imagine:  Friday night in Clay Center, America. Walk as team to north endzone.

100 yard flip hip sprint to north end.
100 yard bear crawl back and touch the sign

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